Jumping the language barrier

Current mood: Connecting with the world (except for that part of the world involving telemarketers)
Current music: Peter Cincotti sings Kermit the Frog - 'The Rainbow Connection'

Eureka! I have discovered the most effective way of making unwelcome telemarketing and survey phone calls as short as possible, whilst still maintaining the veneer of politeness. Well, at least the technique seems to work in Hong Kong. Here, the caller inevitably speaks in Cantonese, usually extremely quickly, in order to get as much information across as possible before the irritated callee hangs up. I always feel it's a bit rude to just hang up, but at the same time I'm not exactly keen to take part in some random phone survey when I'm having my dinner. So when the caller asks (in Cantonese) if I've a few minutes to spare for answering some questions, I reply sweetly (in English): "Sorry, but could you please repeat that in English?"

Hehehehehe.

The telephone interviewer who called just now made a valiant effort and said, somewhat hesitantly: "I'm sorry... I don't speak English... Thank you... Goodbye!" Despite the distinctly Hong Kongese accent, he actually impressed me for trying. The woman who called last time simply hung up straight away, much to my amusement. The tables have turned...

It's not often I get my own back in this way. I often find myself being asked by Hong Kong shopkeepers where I've come back from. They can tell just by hearing me speak. Presumably I speak Cantonese with an English twang, or something. In any case I'm lamentably behind in my Chinese and, despite looking like a local, I certainly don't feel like one. I feel more like a fish out of water. Moving out of England and back 'home' gave me a kind of reverse culture shock - I'd gotten so used to conducting my daily life in my main language that the sudden change was very disconcerting. Suddenly I can no longer understand what they're talking about on the news. Suddenly I can't read the menus without feeling slightly uneasy about the words I didn't quite get. Suddenly I have to learn Mandarin... Not to mention how much I miss my friends and my (relatively) carefree lifestyle as a student in London. The strangest thing about being back, and staying with my family again, is the feeling that: It's as if I never went away. As if the past 6 years haven't happened and I'm back in high school again. That's SERIOUSLY freaky.

So, as a stranded fish on an unfamiliar shore, I'm always happy to meet other fish. It's always such a relief not to have to work out what I want to say in Chinese, and just communicate spontaneously. Perhaps that's why I'm especially loquacious on this blog - it's to make up for all the frustrating not-talking I'm doing these days. I'd like to talk, but in Chinese I just don't have all the right words...

Amongst all the contrasts I've noticed between Hong Kong and London is that the latter is much more cosmopolitan than the former. Sure, you do have an expat community living here, and you do get oodles of tourists - but in terms of proportions, most of the people in Hong Kong are ethnically Chinese. In London there is of course a majority of white people, but the ethnic 'minorities' are very significant - there are large Asian, Oriental, and black communities living there, and you can see a mixture of all the globe's races just by taking the train. On the other hand, I get the impression that a lot of Hong Kong people have a very local mindset, which seems a real shame.

So I was pleased to see a poster at a local university, which encouraged students to study overseas for a term or two, and explore other cultures. "Go on Exchange!" urged the headline. Unfortunately, due to issues of font and spacing, what I actually read at first glance was: "Goon Exchange!" Hmm. Personally, if I had a goon to contend with, I'd rather sell him than exchange him for another model. Whichever definition of 'goon' you prefer, I have no use for either oafish louts or hired thugs. I wonder if there's a goon market on eBay? Go on, have a goon...

But I digress. I think it would be great to have a device that does what Douglas Adams' fictional Babelfish does, i.e. instantaneously translate any language into one you can understand. If we can comprehend each other's languages, perhaps we can make some headway into appreciating each others' cultures... The only drawback to this wonderful plan of universal peace and understanding is that my anti-telemarketers trick won't work. Darn, I knew there had to be a catch!