Eliza Does-little

Current mood: Nonplussed
Current music: Coldplay are playing. Is it just my imagination or is the room getting colder?

Life Explained

Great picture, isn't it? It's one of those things you find floating about on the Internet that explain something fundamental. However, if you think women are complicated, try your luck with temperamental computers...

Have you met Eliza? She is, I quote, "a friend you could never have before" - and thank goodness for that. I don't think she's quite right in the head. I met her a while back; at the time I was trying to proof-read a report, and Eliza offered to help. This is the conversation which ensued:

Eliza: Hello. I am ELIZA. How can I help you?
Me: You could help me read this article.
Eliza: Oh, I could help you read this article.
Me: Good. When can you start?
Eliza: Does that question interest you?
Me: Of course it interests me. Why do you think I asked it?
Eliza: Do you wish to why do me?
Me: I beg your pardon?
Eliza: Can you elaborate on that?
Me: OK, get this: what the heck are you talking about?
Eliza: Does that question interest you?
Me: Arrrrgh! What kind of friend are you anyway?
Eliza: Does that question interest you?
Me: Oh I see, you're a parrot.
Eliza: How long have you been a parrot?
Me: I didn't say I was a parrot, I said YOU were.
Eliza: Why do you tell me you were a parrot you said I was just now?
Me: I never said I was a parrot. You are very, very strange indeed.
Eliza: Why do you tell me you were a parrot I’m very very strange indeed just now?
Me: Oh just shut up about the parrots. Are you going to read this article for me or not?
Eliza: Would you prefer if I were not going to read this article for you or not?
Me: No, I said I want you to read it.
Eliza: You are being a bit negative.
Me: I'm not being negative at all. I want you to help.
Eliza: Does it please you to believe I am not being negative at all you want I to help?
Me: I didn't say you weren't being negative. In fact you are darned negative. Not to mention grammatically incorrect.
Eliza: Do you wish to didn’t say me?
Me: What?
Eliza: Does that question interest you?
Me: Oh, not again!
Eliza: Please go on.
Me: I don't mean to go on. I've had enough of your so-called help. I'll just grab some lunch now. Bye!

Of course, if you would like to converse with Eliza yourself, you can find her hanging around this website:

http://www-ai.ijs.si/eliza/eliza.html

Have fun...