Current mood: Ranting
Current music: The wheels of the bus can drive me mad, drive me mad, drive me mad...
I don't know what it is, but for some reason I've never been bothered by Friday the 13th, but always seem to run into problems on Mondays. (Solomon Grundy / We met on a Sunday / Broke up on Monday... etc.) And not just in the oh-no-it's-Monday-morning, must-get-up-for-work way. Somehow Fate also conspires against me to prevent me from leaving the office in time to watch 'Doctor Who' on the telly on Monday nights...
Today's routine was a little different from the norm. I had a doctor's appointment in the morning. This involved trekking out to one of the more inaccessible parts of Hong Kong, where trains are not wont to go. Not being inclined (or in fact able) to drive, this left me with the happy option of taking the bus.
Now generally I'm all in favour of public transport, as it's better for the environment (fewer cars, less air pollution), and on the whole, Hong Kong does have a pretty good public transport system. But today was just not my day, it seems, for taking that bellowing, smoke-belching, benighted conveyance known as the public omnibus.
I didn't have a very auspicious start to the day, having had a poor night's sleep and no time for breakfast as I dashed out of the door. First I took a shuttle bus out to the town centre. OK so far. Then I had to find the bus terminus - we can call it Bus Terminus No. 1, as I'm not feeling sufficiently imaginative to think up a better moniker - in order to catch the big double-decker bus going in the direction of the hospital. I was momentarily perplexed by the building works permeating the labyrinthine shopping complex (hey, wasn't there a door here? I swear there was a door here! Oh no, it's been boarded up! I'm trapped! Help, help!) but I made it eventually.
So there I was, wandering around Bus Terminal No. 1 - a veritable hive of buses and people, with row upon row of concrete pavements and concrete roads - looking for my bus stop. Hmm, no sign. I checked my map. D*mn! My bus ran from Bus Terminal No. 2, in a different part of the complex.
I hurried up to Bus Terminal No. 2, frantically scanning the signs for my bus whilst dodging the crowds and queues. Aha! There it is! As I raced up to the stop I watched the bus pull out... It had vanished by the time I reached the stop. On the next concrete row down, a trio of unhelpful bus personnel appeared to be sniggering at me. I glared at the bus timetable. The next bus will come in, oh, around 20-25 minutes.
I cursed the bus and scurried back down to Bus Terminal No. 1, waiting in a dark cloud of frustration behind people who, being in no hurry of any kind, were standing relaxedly on the escalator steps. It would have been so simple, theoretically, to give them a little nudge forwards and downwards, but of course I couldn't do that because I am a Nice Person...
Finally back in Bus Terminal No. 1, I zipped back and forth trying to find some different buses that would take me in the right general direction. Oh look! More bus company staff. Perhaps these ones would be more helpful.
Me: Excuse me please, where can I catch a bus to [Destination X]?
Bus company guy: Just go up to Bus Terminal No. 2 and catch the 123* bus.
I'd just come from Bus Terminal No. 2. No way was I going back up there to wait half an hour for the freakin' bus.
Me: Is there a faster bus?
Bus company guy: Whoa, I'll have to think about that... Hmm...
[General laughter from his colleagues. What exactly is so amusing, pray?]
Bus company guy: ...Nah, the 123 is the bus to take.
Me: In that case, is there a bus I can take to [Destination Y where I can change for another bus to Destination X]?
Bus company guy: Yeah, the 456, over there [pointing].
Me: Over there? OK, thank you!
Following his instructions I dashed 'over there', only to see the 456 pulling away from the stop, followed by the 789 (which also goes to Destination Y). The drivers of both buses ignored my frantic gesticulations and drove on, despite their respective buses being only about a metre away from their stops. I'm sure they did this out of spite.
Very well then, may both your driver's seats be cursed with small, relentless, biting insects.
I also suspect that the bus company guy may have carefully timed his speech so that our little dialogue would end just as the buses departed.
Running extremely late by now, I decided to give up on the buses and take a taxi. This involved splashing out a fair bit, and probably contributed to global warming, but with half an hour to go this was the only way I could get there on time. In any case, I was now hot and sweaty from all the racing about, and the air-conditioned taxi was a welcome change from the heat.
Anyway, with the help of the nice taxi man, I did make it to my appointment on time. No thanks to the buses, huh.
Of course, the hospital people did make me wait for half an hour before anything happened. Perhaps I could've taken the bus after all...
Two long hours later they finally let me out, and I now had to work out how to get to the office. This involved a little train ride (funnily enough, this inaccessible corner of Hong Kong does have trains. They just don't run outside the borders of the district. Perhaps they crash into an invisible force field whenever they try) - no serious problems there - and then yet another bus journey.
Oh my gawd NOOO!
I managed to find the bus stop. For the bus going in the opposite direction, that is. My stop was, apparently, on the other side of the six-lane carriageway, accessible only by going over it, via yet another labyrinthine shopping centre - the downside being that this shopping centre was entirely unfamiliar to me.
The question shouldn't so much be 'Why did the chicken cross the road?' as 'How did the chicken cross the road?' Answer: With great difficulty, and only after asking for directions, going upstairs as directed, making a wrong turn, wandering aimlessly for a moment before U-turning, carrying on down the corridor in the hope that it would lead somewhere, finding a way downstairs again, stumbling upon an exit, and stepping out gratefully into the not-so-fresh air.
I had to walk down the road a bit, and soon found the bus stop... with my bus pulling out of it. Again.
It's amazing, isn't it - how can one miss four buses in a day? To miss any more would expose one to comment at the bus stop.
So I had to stand around for at least another 10 minutes in the vehicle-exhaust-flavoured haze, wheezing and sneezing, and singing in a choked voice, 'Someday my bus will come, someday I'll find my way...'
The bus did come eventually, but it took more than two hours to get to the office and I had to call in with apologies at being late even after having taken the morning off. I was also thirsty, hungry (not having lunched or, indeed, breakfasted, properly) and staggered in looking a little the worse for wear.
One could hardly expect any better; after all, I did just participate in a kind of chase-the-bus marathon.
So that was my little adventure on the bus. Or rather, behind four different buses. All I know is that I'll definitely be taking the train home tonight...
* Bus numbers have been changed to protect privacy. Though whose privacy is being protected I really couldn't say.
PIPSOH!
